“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”
-Isaiah 43:19
From Karolina and our entire family: Happy New Year to you!
With the kids on vacation and our crazy house, I’m having a hard time keeping track of what day it is, let alone the year, but 2015 it is! Christmas was somewhat small but sweet. Everything just still seems so surreal with the change of lifestyle and being a stay-home mom. Usually, Christmas is a great time in radio in terms of show prep. Phone topics, inspiring stories and holiday-themed games always made work busy but full and fun. Having always been in radio since I became a wife/mom, I haven’t known anything else (even with Gus, I went back to work early and returned right after Christmas). So needless to say, this Advent season has been AWESOME as I was able to put all that focus into the kiddos and home without many distractions (and sweet sleep!)! I’m not sure how long the honeymoon period lasts, but I think I’m still in it! Not to say I didn’t have my moments of guilt and failure (what would the Christmas season be without those evil twin emotions anyway?! Ha).
I wish we would’ve given more to those in need.
I wish we would’ve volunteered more.
I wish we would’ve spent less…
I wish I would’ve prayed more and spent more quiet moments with God…
I’m not sure if I’ve ever had a year where I’ve conquered those things, but I also feel like I’m coming away with a full heart about the things that really matter. I can only pray the kids feel the same.
So, now we are already into the season of “new.” It usually takes me at least the full month to get into that groove and rev up my resolutions, but I’m trying. The first step towards that was Adoration on New Year’s Eve. Hard not to get inspired to do something for God with scenery like this! :
Bottom line is, this year I have vowed to make ONE resolution. That is to be a better wife and mom (okay, technically that’s two, but it falls under one vocation.) 🙂 Nothing else. I was caught between two worlds for a long time with my career and family, both of which I deeply loved, but that is no longer the case. In all honesty, it’s been very tempting to jump back in and explore other opportunities, but what I keep coming back to in prayer, is that I promised my children a mom that would be there, 100%. I promised my husband a wife that would be present to the needs of my spouse and family with a devotion that I have never given before. Before my feminist friends get upset, I have the greatest peace in this. Serving my family is what makes me feel feminine, and holy, and strong. As must as I stumble through it and fear I’m not doing enough, or doing it right, it is my honor to devote my heart and soul to trying.
I feel like so much of our lives is spent living in the shallow end. At least for myself. It’s so easy to be distracted by things that are eye-catching and mind numbing! Living deeply also means going where it’s sometimes uncomfortable, and unknown and we don’t have the answers. Those are the places we are stretched and pushed and brought to our knees in trust of God. I’m still working on wading into deeper waters every day, but I do know this: Karolina has taken us to a place in our lives and faith that I never imagined. She’s held my hand and taken me out far past where my feet can touch and I feel “comfortable.” But in doing so, she has allowed me to encounter God as my life vest, my anchor and lighthouse. She is the angel in my days the the focus of my prayers at night. It’s hard to describe over a blog the way autism impacts a family, because it’s so complex. But I am so grateful for the experience of what she has taught me.
Last night as I was looking for “special needs inspiration” I ran across the story of Herman the Cripple. Not at all a politically correct name these days, but that’s his title nonetheless. (From the blog “Discerning Hearts”): Blessed Herman was born with many medical problems: cleft palate, cerebral palsy, and spina bifida. He was a remarkable man. Despite his daunting physical limitations he studied and wrote on astronomy, theology, math, history, poetry, Arabic, Greek, and Latin. He also built musical and astronomical equipment. He was considered a genius in his time. He wrote prayers and hymns – the most notable being the Salve Regina (Hail Holy Queen).
The poem below is from Father Benedict J Groeschel’s book,
Stumbling Blocks or Stepping Stones.
Herman The Cripple
by
William Hart Hurlbut, M.D.
I am least among the low,
I am weak and I am slow;
I can neither walk nor stand,
Nor hold a spoon in my own hand.
Like a body bound in chain,
I am on a rack of pain,
But He is God who made me so,
that His mercy I should know.
Brothers do not weep for me!
Christ, the Lord, has set me free.
All my sorrows he will bless;
Pain is not unhappiness.
From my window I look down
To the streets of yonder town,
Where the people come and go,
Reap the harvest that they sow.
Like a field of wheat and tares,
Some are lost in worldly cares;
There are hearts as black as coal,
There are cripples of the soul.
Brothers do not weep for me!
In his mercy I am free.
I can neither sow nor spin,
Yet, I am fed and clothed in Him.
I have been the donkey’s tail,
Slower than a slug or snail;
You my brothers have been kind,
Never let me lag behind.
I have been most rich in friends,
You have been my feet and hands;
All the good that I could do,
I have done because of you.
Oh my brothers, can’t you see?
You have been as Christ for me.
And in my need I know I, too,
Have become as Christ for you!
I have lived for forty years
In this wilderness of tears;
But these trials can’t compare
With the glory we will share.
I have had a voice to sing,
To rejoice in everything;
Now Love’s sweet eternal song
Breaks the darkness with the dawn.
Brother’s do not weep for me!
Christ, the Lord, has set me free.
Oh my friends, remember this:
Pain is not unhappiness.
Amen! +
A new day. A reminder that we are all imperfect in some way, but God will make us new and set us free. I’m trying to remember that in 2015. That daily YES…that faithful morning “Fiat” of saying yes to God like Mary did, and welcoming whatever the day may bring.
May you also experience the newness of life in Christ’s mercy and grace this year! God bless you. Happy NEW Year!
Dean F Flory says
Brooke I am praying for you as you continue your transition to full time all the time Mom and Wife. Let me encourage you to continue on the path you feel God is leading you. Can I say wether or not you are making the right choices? No and neither can anyone else. Being the loving caring Wife and Mom is something you are called to do by God. I applaud any person that has to work a job outside of the home then go home and work. Peace and blessings to you and your family
Brooke Taylor says
Thank you so much Dean. I appreciate your encouragement more than you know. And it’s so good to hear from you! I hope you and your family are doing well. Wishing you a wonderful 2015. Thank you, my friend. God bless you.
Melody says
Brooke- This is the best post I’ve read in the New Year so far. Thank you for pouring it out for us. I love that book by Fr. Groeschel and try to reread it periodically… Thank you for highlighting what I have only skimmed before and helping me understand it more fully. God bless your New Year. And thanks for being willing to love so well. 🙂
Brooke Taylor says
Wow, thank you so much Melanie. I value your feedback and really appreciate that you took the time to read the post! Thank you! And P.S. I LOVE your blog design! Just beautiful.
Andrea says
Happy New year to your family!!! 🙂
Andrea @ mommainflipflops.com #realmomstyle
Brooke Taylor says
Thank you Andrea! I enjoyed finding your blog, looking forward to reading more of it! 🙂
Josie Valley says
LOVE this post Brooke and so very thankful for your honest transparent heart in this! Beautiful metaphors friend- keep writing! Love you and love your heart for your husband, family and especially sweet Karolina! He knew you’d be the angel she would need here as well… Xoxo
Brooke Taylor says
Thank you so much Josie. You have a gift for writing, women’s hearts, ministry and motherhood, and your encouragement and friendship means a great deal to me. Love you. I am excited to see your site when it’s up and running!!
Robin says
Dearest Brooke,
Just discovered your blog and what an amazing post this is!
God bless you for your faith and your transparency. As one who has “been there and done that,” I know the struggle of walking away from “having it all.”
But we both know all that glitters is not gold. Our old jobs are quickly filled and the spotlight shines on someone new. But our families? Our husbands and children can never, ever replace us.
I join our Lord in saying, “well done, faithful servant. ”
Love, Robin
Brooke Taylor says
Robin.
Thank you so much for your beautiful feedback. I am humbled, and so very grateful for your words of wisdom. You were blessed with such a depth and width of gifts, and are one of the women I most admire. But it’s not just because of your visual and vocal talents, but because of your humility and faith that shines. Seeing the spectacular simplicity of your life now (horses, doggies, family, and the quiet country) looks to me, even more fulfilling than the lights. I am inspired by you…and pretty jealous too. Ha ha. Oh, to have that farm life!:) Someday. Thank you again so much. Love, Brooke