Learning to Receive

Our adoption journey has brought many unexpected blessings and challenges so far. We are officially 9 months along! Maybe that’s why I’ve been having such a hard time waiting this month, it’s just a biological thing. 😉 It looks like March may bring news. We believe it’s a girl and that’s all we know! Aside from the waiting, this has been a relatively happy time. Praying for her every night, picking out names, and introducing the idea of Barbie’s to the boys.  I will admit though, it’s also been a very tying time for us financially. I know it’s not in fashion to lament money woes publicly, but it’s just a fact for us. We knew it would be from the beginning, and that is what made the decision to adopt from Poland so difficult. We did not set out to adopt internationally, but it happened through a series of God-inspired events that Jim and I both experienced. It was with shaking knees and blind faith that we decided to go forward, knowing the financial mountain we would be climbing. Since then it has taken us to new, and sometimes scary places.

For the first time in our lives, we are in a position of asking for help. In fundraisers with friends and family, applying for numerous grants, and donation requests to bring our little girl home. Even though I know the funds are not for us personally, but for the mission of our adoption, I feel so uncomfortable and unworthy to ask others for help.   After all, an adoption is….an option, right?    We could’ve adopted locally, we could’ve chosen NOT to adopt at all for that matter. That is what the Devil whispers in my ear and I struggle, even though I also trust that God will provide.  We knew we had to place trust the Lord completely, but even from the beginning I struggled with not having the “power” to take care of this ourselves.   I knew surrender would be necessary, but it’s not always easy.  
Over the weekend I was completely overcome with emotion when we received a tremendous donation from a listener.   We have been touched and blessed and inspired with EVERY donation along the way.   This one specifically, was a miracle for our family.   There is no other way to describe it. God SHOWED UP, through a very special family. With my interior struggle already in full force about accepting donations, this was just too much to accept. Then the Lord allowed me to see it in a new way.

As I cried before the crucifix, I realized that Mary and Joseph had been the recipient of valuable donations also.  Mary willingly received the gifts that the Wisemen brought to Jesus. The items were of high value and extravagant, yet she accepted them with humility and happiness. I am sure she didn’t say “no thank you,  we can’t accept that.”  She knew the gifts were given to honor God.  I can only imagine how out of place GOLD and other riches looked in contrast with the humble cave.   That realization has finally released me from feeling unworthy to receive, and allowed me to accept the donation with a joyful spirit, and a thankful heart. It’s lessons like this that have been humbling and faith-strengthening along the journey. Someday I will share these things with our daughter, and of the mighty work God did to bring her home.  Thank you to all of you who have prayed and offered support so far.   James 1:17
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. “