I am usually not at a loss for words, but this post has been especially difficult to write. The past week has been a blur as we have been rotating shifts at the hospital, waiting for test results, and praying for good news. A week ago Saturday, my dad was taken to the ER, then later admitted. He has felt under the weather for about 6 months. He had seen his doctor who tried changing his medicine and guessed it might be an allergy. So, he has been trudging along until recently when the symptoms became more severe, and disturbing. His face was swollen, he had mysterious bruises on his chest, he couldn’t stand without becoming lightheaded, and even blacked out while shoveling the driveway. To make a long story short, the doctor discovered a mass in his chest and he has been diagnosed with lung cancer (SCLC). The news was shocking, to say the least. Small cell lung cancer is particularly aggressive and the survivability statistics are frightening. It’s always amazing how much life can turn upside down in a matter of minutes, or days. We are not promised tomorrow, but it doesn’t make it any less painful to let go.
We don’t know how much time my dad has left. It could be months, it could be years. God willing there will be a miracle and it will be decades. My dad has shown such strength and grace already, and it makes me proud to be his daughter (although I’ve always been proud of him). 🙂 In the meantime, I have been spending hours on websites like Cancer Grace trying to become an expert on SCLC, finding out what questions to ask and digging for a secret loophole or clinical trial that might offer hope. I realize the most important component is God and I’m also spending hours with Him too. I don’t have any spiritual insights or wisdom that I’ve gleaned from the experience just yet. At the moment we are all still trying to process it and focus on each day. I know people get cancer every day (his roommate was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given 4 months to live-pray for him). This is just me, sharing my hurting heart as we begin the battle.
The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want;
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters;
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil;
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the house of the